Here I am placing what is relevant for me at the moment.
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'zettelkasten' (quotes, statements, fragments)
Posted on Jul 19, '10 2:25 AM for network
- who-I-am is not flawed - it is what we accept of ourselves as existence is flawed
- 'reflective energetic frequency of knowledge' is what we are when dead, if we don't become real
- Earth is the eye of the needle
- we are sound resonance in a structure
- self traps self within 'rules' which self has established -> self-compromise, self-manipulation; when another breaks the 'rules', self goes into blame and spitefulness, which causes the emotional experience
- it's not about stopping the mind when things get difficult - it's STOP THE MIND! as me within me
- insight has to be 'real-ized' - it has to be lived as who-I-am, be Here-as-me - or else it remains information and illusion, unreal (accessing insight within the personality bubble)
- the mcs will utilize...stimuli points to influence, control, affect one's living behavior and thus experience in the physical
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Posted on Jul 19, '10 7:20 AM for everyone
I'm picking up on this 'blog-thing' again.
I had fun doing my last blog site, but then a lot of things have come up and I discontinued.
I'm establishing a platform here for me as self-support, so I can gather bits and pieces of myself, lost in information and knowledge that is not lived, which I have allowed to identify myself with - somewhat unconsciously.
I'm allowing myself more structure to really look at myself, point for point and within this allow myself to be real. I intend to see through allowed and accepted self-definitions, accepted and allowed limitations, and learn to actually express, direct and trust self.
I'm doing the sra course atm and it's been a tremendous support in structuring myself, within this realizing what I am actually doing. when I enter a point that sets off a pattern, and helps me see through the pattern to the 'end' - the resulting experience of self-defeat that I have experienced so many times, but apparently have never been able to change. Also I'm learning methods to check, whether I'm actually 'getting somewhere' with the issue, what the 'missing links' and unseen 'dimensions' of the priority point I'm looking at are, and am thus becoming more self-supportive - which is really great!
In blogging again I'm allowing myself to write about what is Here as and within me and to see how this changing and developing.
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stop....- a collection from posts that were amazing
Stop.....
- holding a picture in my mind above what my eyes see atm
- comparing another condition to my own
- to compare sth in the past that doesn't relate to what is real in the moment for me
- to compare a picture to what I see in the moment with my own eyes
- to carry a picture in my mind
- to compare the past with life in the present
- to hold a belief above what I see in the moment
- to compare a belief to what is here now
- to hold a belief in my mind
- to hold a concept in my mind of what I am supposed to be
- to desire to be something other than self
- to see myself as a polarity of ... and holding a definition of ... in my mind
- to hold a thought in my mind of ...
- allowing a label as self
- to allow self to be abused
- manipulating self in doing what I was conditioned to do as 'normal'
- allowing myself to be a victim and sacrifice self
- to treat self as less than another
- associating being responsible with taking control
- justifying actions
- disregarding myself as life
- allowing influence from past moments
- placing value on opinions
- taking projections of others personally
- blaming emotional experience on the other
- disregarding myself as the one that allowed the experience to manifest and play out
- participating in games of polarity where one is the 'bad guy' and the other 'the good guy'
- participating in allowing another to place himself as the victim of abuse
- limiting myself according to how I appear to others as a picture
- allowing myself to be influenced by others out of inferiority and self-doubt
- viewing things in polarity
- inhibiting myself within the energy of bias instead of seeing what is real here
- making judgments from others mine turning them into self-judgments
- taking things personal and 'being hurt' when the experience is not actually real
- accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself by way of self-compromise
- believing that something of self can be taken away from self
- placing myself as less than or more than a situation in this completely limiting myself
- obstructing the opportunity to stand one and equal
- to believe I'm not responsible
- defining having control as overwhelming
- stopping on the mere basis of avoiding my own reactions and experience myself within them
- manipulating myself
- to believe my own personal experience to be real
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| Jul 20, '10 2:26 AM
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I created this page yesterday, left some comments on other pages and uploaded my first vlog and was generally very busy. This morning my mind 'wanted' to place this into perspective trying to 'define' this new support system and get a hold on me-within-it. It was as if 'it' wanted to make sure this doesn't allow for 'infinite possibilities'/expansion into 'uncontrollability'.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe I needed to control the in- and outflow of this page to first 'define' in how far this will influence me, believing i needed to control this to give direction to it-as-me.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe I needed control.
I forgive myself tht I've accepted and allowed myself to believe in influence as something that is not-me, wherein I am the victim and thus placed as 'inferior' to the information (which is actually also not separate from me).
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear information that I can't process immediately within and as mind.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe I needed the 'guidance' and 'direction' of mind-as-me.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to have everything under control and thus feel 'structured' and 'safe'.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe I needed the structure of mind, to not feel 'overwhelmed' or 'influenced'.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear being 'overwhelmed' by information, instead of seeing that I am breath and within the in- and outbreath there is a slow 'pace' (s-pace) that allows me to be Here.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear myself as in-form-ation.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear being overwhelmed by myself as the information of myself.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear 'self-defeat' - I cannot 'defeat' Self.
I allow myself as and within the 'structure', 'direction' and 'slow-pace'/'space' of breath Here.
I stop myself-as-mind to define my experience within my actions as this is illusion. I am breath Here.
I stop myself as and within the experience of 'self-defeat' due to giving in to the mind. I breathe. I am Here.
muscle test: Is this sufficient? yes
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| Jul 22, '10 12:34 AM for everyone |
The point came up that I was writing self-corrective action statements holding negative formulations. I realized that over half of the statements started with 'I don't allow...'
When rewriting these for a recent session, I realized that at first I didn't know what it was I actually wanted myself to do. I wanted myself to realize that when I was acting a certain way I was trapping myself / placing myself into compromise or self-sabotizing. So I said 'I don't allow...' It took me a few 'looks' till I realized I could place it a lot simpler: 'I stop myself within and as...' The simplicity of this showed me that I was creating and 'directing' myself within and as resistance and rules of 'Don't do this, don't do that', like: 'don't miss a breath' when I noticed I was not Here, instead of saying 'stop', breathing and saying 'I breathe, I am Here' and sf. By having placed the corrective statements in the negative I was actually limiting myself. Ironically, this came up after having done hours of sf in writing and many 'negative' corrective action statements about self-limitation!
One or two statements revealed themselves to be superfluous because I couldn't place them 'positively' as clear support for the moment. Some had turned out too complex to be supportive when I tried to just rephrase them without the negative, so I had to break them down totally.
What is also interesting that I was trying to resist thoughts/mind especially in the mornings, telling myself: don't go there, I don't allow myself to think about this - and of course other thoughts immediately presented themselves. I also used the corr. statement: 'I don't give in to....' often.
I allow myself in and as clear supportive self-corrective action. I stop and breathe when I see that I was creating myself as and within resistance to something or someone. I forgive myself and direct myself. I trust myself and stand.
Pasted from <http://soschautsaus.multiply.com/journal/item/5/creating_myself_in_and_as_resistance>
| Jul 27, '10 11:49 AM for everyone |
I've used muscle communication for some months now and have achieved some quite stunning results, like finding dictionary words that revealed a lot about the points i was investigating, words that were very specific and I was amazed at the efficiency of the tool. I was excited often and thought: wow, this is really working!
Now that we're working with this tool using charts I suddenly doubt that I'm interpreting the 'answers' correctly. Is that a 'yes' or already a 'no', was that 'a change'? I realized that the charts were something where I could really see whether I have been effectve with sf and which coping mechanisms I am accessing and what emotions 'catapult' me into which specific mechanism. So, now I'm facing self-doubt. It suddenly seems to be so important that the communication is accurate - my mind makes it so important (= I am). Within this I have accumulated some resistance and it's harder to remain 'clear' of mind/thoughts/interpretations when testing. I already did some sf on what has come up and I realize I have to push through and 'make it work' and not give in to mind and just 'take' the results/answers that come up - and breathe, of course.
Of course this is 'my issue of control' playing out here - again. This time a different variation of the 'game'. It's probably best to use muscle communication to 're-trust' it within an 'ordinary' session - maybe: 'Self-trust within and as communication with substance' or the other way around: Communicating with substance within and as self-trust - lol. Guess that's best.
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