Does self-pity provoke verbal abuse and emotional manipulation?
Starting to see and some self-advice. – Something that ‘needed out’:
Self-pity: placing my self into a pit. What a pitty! In the pits. And you only see the pit and there are certain circumstances that seem to show you that you’re in the pit. But you don’t actually see that you’ve placed your self there yourself because you don’t see how or why, you don’t see the individual steps that have led you there, the ‘rocks’ and ‘stepping stones’ that you took, that would take you back out. So when you see yourself in this pit you don’t in that moment realize how you’ve got yourself in there, only that you’ve got yourself in there. You see yourself in there, when you realize that it’s self-pity, it’s the way you see your self -
The point is, you could just stop seeing your self that way. Because it’s SELF- pit – y. So stop seeing yourself within and as it, stop perceiving everything from that starting point – it takes away a veil for you to see what can be done, what is actually here and what can be done to change it. Taking away the first and foremost preconception of being in and as the pit and having to remain there. That’s not to say that you have to deny being in the pit, the pit is you. But see what’s actually here and that you don’t allow that kind of perception anymore and thus change what is here and actually realize that you can move yourself out of that pit that you perceive to be in/as. And this is a first step. So if you don’t take this first step there is going to be the point that the situation that you’ve allowed will be simply be continued to be reflected back onto you culminating into a destructive force as and within the experience of being verbally abused.
So in some way words / remembered statements brought you into the self-perceived pit and these words reverberate as verbal abuse ‘inside’ and ‘out’. So words can be those that are based on your own constructs or those that someone else speaks to you or has spoken to you in the past that re-verb-erate within you and wherein you give your power away, your self-direction, cause you believe the words – you believe the words that they can limit you and hold you inside that pit. And then you find all sorts of justifications for staying in that pit on believing those words. Or you keep on telling yourself that you don’t believe them because you kind of have this construct of these words having nothing to do with you, they are ‘his’ construct, ‘his’ problem, ‘I’ve looked at my ‘pit’/mind-stuff’, ‘I know what’s here within me’ and ‘what he’s saying has nothing to do with me’. But he keeps on saying it, so the pit remains, he’s part of the reverberations that make up the pit in the first place. And these words if you listen closely will somehow be part of the backchat – will spark a memory, will spark a reaction, will keep you from being stable, because you allow it and justify it with reasons that let you stay put / holding onto the situation, the house – ‘half of the house is mine’, ‘I’m not leaving what I own’. By staying in this pit and justifying it you feel self-pity because you separate yourself from the words that are reverberating but are integrated as backchat already as reactions as a whole fuck-up of the whole thing ----- that’s what I called life.
What makes up this pit, what are the circumstances that seem to limit you that seem to take your self-direction, that hold you fixated in the matrix? What are these points? What is this pit made of? Why is this being in this believed pit in any way necessary? How did it come about? What is the story behind it? Why do you want to keep it up? Why don’t you just move, direct yourself out of there, not accept it, why aren’t you doing anything – oh ok ‘that’s where you belong, that’s the hole you belong in’, that was the words that were reverberating, that I repeated to other people re-verb-erating – placing me as victim – ‘that’s where I belong’, ‘I belong in this pit’ – ‘I’m not changing it, so obviously I belong in this hole'
So what’s the solution, the solution of releasing the hold that I’ve given to this pit – the hold isn’t real, so take sf to release the hold, release all the individual points that make up the wall of pit, the self-built wall of the pit, I shoveled myself into this pit, I created this pit, I created this hole in which I wanted to hide to define myself. As a reason for my allowed self-limitation, as an excuse, as a way to keep pre-occupied so I don’t have to move, so I don’t have to experience myself differently, but remain in suppression, so I don’t have to fulfill my own expectations or others’ expectations or even look at all the possibilities and feel as if I were a failure within it, self-pity! So I abuse myself emotionally by wanting, preferring to be and belonging into this pit wherein I have learned to feel ‘safer’ than ‘out there’.
What is ‘safe’? – ‘A safe’ is something where you lock something valuable up into – these ‘valuables’ are self-beliefs, and me somewhere underneith – I don’t want to change my self-perception, I don’t want to see what’s actually here, so I lock myself up and suppress myself nice and safe – comfy in my pit-y/petty-ness.
Till here no further. Self-pity is unacceptable. I direct myself.
