2012 Abolishing filters of perception and self-sabotage

I am amazed by what I realized in working on the backchat assignment from the desteni I process. Here I first had to find an instance or event that I had experienced between the ages of 4 to 11. I came up with an inner picture/memory of walking past some people lying and obviously living in the streets in Mexico City, begging. The construct we are looking at is one that will reveal how one is creating and programming oneself as one’s mind within the family-system/culture upon the principle of ‘as within, so without’.

So within walking the timeline of this memory based on a structure that allows for a placement of elements of the memory in alignment with certain specific turning points, points of change, decision and reasoning, I was able to see, understand and realize the extent to which I had manipulated myself in and into playing a polarity game and how I was getting myself to move through the polarity of superiority and inferiority, changing my self-experience of discontentment at seeing the people begging, lying and living in the streets into a stance of ‘being better than them, because I know better’ by having trusted and consequently taken on my mom’s statement/opinion and attitude of them ‘not getting anywhere’ because they ‘spend their money immediately once they have some’.

I was able to see how I had been living myself in and as this polarity of superiority and inferiority, on the one hand by not really having solved the initial point of discontent within and as me of seeing the people in the street in those circumstances and giving the experience direction from a starting point of self within common sense, but instead suppressing the point and placing myself as superior within and as the point of information and knowledge as ‘spending money immediately doesn’t get you anywhere’ – on the other hand, ultimately creating fear around the experience and diminishing myself to follow ‘rules’/’ knowledge’/ ‘information’ based on trusting another’s experiences over myself where I am unable to look for myself created myself as inferior to the situation and experience.

I now see the ways this initial experience and my acceptances around it had been influencing decisions I made in my daily life wherein I had actually allowed myself in and as the starting point of fear of living as these people I had seen as a child and then again feeling superior in my actions and decisions where I, for example, back-chatted that I had to take advantage of the situation on the basis of and as avoidance of ‘spending too much money immediately’.

Now, I when and as I see one of these certain, specific points come up within or ‘without’ I stop and breathe. I realize and recognize them as self-created and am able to see the situation without the filter of ‘getting somewhere or not’ and change my starting point to one of self-honest self-direction within and as common sense within what is best for all.

So far this course has supported me immensely in seeing how I had manipulated, sabotaged and diminished myself and how to stop and change my starting point to one that considers the best for all in all ways by abolishing the filters of perception and limitation within oneself, which in turn allows for eventual external change toward a ‘better’ world for all equally.

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