the complexity of things

Why is it taking me so long to get some orientation within these systems of networks, blogger, facebook, multiply, youtube, google, dotsub and all their interconnections and specificities? I have recently felt quite frustrated with not-knowing which box to click to get to where I want to go and how to manouver through these nooks and crannies of all the levels and sublevels of the internet applications. Adding to that was the time constraint I had within which I wanted to establish this and get it all together, interlinked and working. I'd like to have the whole internet mapped out in front of me, like the plan of a subway system, to see where to go and exactly what I'm doing.

On the face of it the sites seemed to be quite obvious, but 'underneith' there are mazes of networks wherein some connections go well with each other and others don't seem to be compatible completely or at all. Like with the syndication of my Multiply blog with NetworkedBlogs. I checked if it was being syndicated after I had clicked on the respective box, but nothing there. Also getting to the right pages to have the basics in place and find out how to get all the blogs I want to follow onto the blog list with this blog was quite an act and I still don't have them all there, though it says I'm 'following' them already - but then I noticed that I was following them on NetworkedBlogs and not via this blog here. I had somehow, inadvertently, moved to that page while going through the bloggers on the list of someone I had already 'secured' on my list.

I don't even know how to place my odyssee through this intricate 'underground mazelike world' of levels, 'bifurcations' and dead-ends into words... I guess I was getting a small glance of what is inside me as the experience of me toward my partner and my participation within the individual play-outs and realizing the complexity and multitude of dimensions of it - and also found it reflected in my dealings and manouvers on the web.

Well, anyway, I have allowed this, my job, work on the mind construct and my daughter's finals to prevent me from writing myself out. And once I let the time interval from the last entry to the present moment increase more and more the harder it gets to start writing again. And the more it seems that I don't know what to write about. It's as if the more I write, the more I know what to write about, and vice versa.

So, at least now, I've made a start again, here, and I intend to push myself to make it one of my daily priorities to keep myself within a steady stable flow of placing myself into words. Obviously, by doing so, other activities will get clearer and more transparent too.

Within writing this, I also realize that i have even lost track of placing myself within and as breath while trying to keep my head above water, getting a bit lost within the demands of the day plus working on getting to the bottom of allowed and accepted patterns which i still have to fully uncover and place into words. There is quite some resistance against seeing the totality and scope of the patterns and finding walkable self corrective steps to direct myself out of them into being here a bit more...